Whoa! That’s deep. But I’ve been feeling feministic lately especially ever since I’ve received a distress call from one of my close friends. Apparently, she’s been a victim of domestic violence for about three years and has opened up only now. She called me to seek my advice on what to do next and my input was same as all her other girlfriends she had contacted prior to me—LEAVE THE BEAST!
So, when I first started this blog, I didn’t intend to explore the murky waters given my scant experience of the goings-on in the world. But the call perturbed me to an indescribable extent. Someone whom I have known for about a decade, someone whose wedding I attended and was held with much fanfare, someone who fell in love with the handsome guy her parents so meticulously chose from among numerous suitors, is enduring abuse in the hands of a heartless husband. I’m saying heartless from a woman’s point of view. But I’m sure he has a heart. What he doesn’t have is control over his mouth and limbs.
So, when she described how all hell broke loose just six months after the presumed marital bliss, I felt a shudder run through me. She shared her woes with her friends but what about many others, who’re silently suffering in the confinement of the four walls? How do we see behind the mask of happiness they sport whenever out in public? How does any girl identify the wolf in sheep’s clothing?
There’s no answer to those questions. It depends mostly on luck. And luck is not in our control. But what is in our control is the ability to chop the finger (well, not literally, unless that’s the only option left) of the man who dare lay a finger on us. One needs the courage to acknowledge an abusive relationship and come out of it before it’s too late.
Easier said than done, right? I agree. But think of it this way. You go to a restaurant, order a sumptuous meal but find out that it tastes bad. Later you also discover that if you keep on eating, the food would cause grave harm to your health. Would you still go on? The example might be stupid but I hope I’ve made my point.
On the other hand, I just want to ask all the abusers a question? It has been scraping the insides of my brain so vehemently that I had to put it out here. Why do you do it? Seriously, why? Is it to feel a sense of control? But why would you want to control another human being who is equal to you in every way? A relationship is not about who is in charge. It’s about sharing and compromising.
There are some situations where the girl would provoke the man to raise his hand. But I can say for sure that in 90 cases out of 100, a girl is never the first one to start a physical tussle. If she can patiently and stubbornly carry on an argument or fight verbally then why the hell do you want to make it complicated by turning it into a scuffle? Don’t you have the guts to challenge her with your words? Are you so feeble that you had to shut her mouth only by hitting her?
There are so many ways in which you could tackle the problem of having a difficult wife but domestic violence is not one of them. And to all the men who torture their partners only to exercise control over them, here is a titbit. There are so many women protection laws introduced into our system that you would rot in jail for a decade minimum if she decides to open her mouth. And it’s only a matter of time.